Reasons Are Lies.

The countless number of times I wanted to hold you in my arms, and how much I want to just sit beside you and whisper millions of sweet nothings.

Good evening. I woke up, did LMS for awhile, then lost mood. Decided to workout instead. Finished it then showered. Headed over to work at Paragon. Didn't feel so in place there. The feeling was worse than what I felt the first time I worked at Suntec. Although the fact that I knew Arlene eased the awkwardness slightly, but the feeling was still weird.

Finished work and MRT-ed home. Kinda depressed. I have a feeling that I'm going to have depression. Walked over to play Drum at Superbowl but realised I had no cash with me when I reached there. So I walked home instead. Trust me I had a voice inside me telling me to smoke. It was so overwhelming that I was convinced by it. Not for act cool. Not for whatever. I just needed a companion. No cash with me so I did not smoke.

Home now. I hate it when I think of things in the past. The intense feeling of crying, helplessness towards things just engulfs me. The only thing that keeps me from totally breaking down, is the constant self-reminder that she is just not worthy of my tears.

You left me alone, right when I needed you so fucking badly.

And did I mention how much I fucking failed to make not even a picture of shit on the 5 cups of coffee today? Whatever my heart turned out to be, trust me. I had no intention of it being this way.

Lovingly, not yours.