I totally did not sleep well. Slept at 5am and woke up around 11am. I don't know why this is happening to me. I really want to be caressed and looked after. The feeling of having somebody playing with my hair, patting my head, sayang-ing me is just so nice. And it's heaven when that somebody's mine. Unfortunately that's bullshit and impossible in my eyes now.
If you begin to feel nostalgic and sentimental, it could mean that a big surprise is coming, Virgo. This surprise happens in the romance department. You would probably be surprised at the results that you can get by doing odd and romantic things, but if you use your imagination and your heart, your "person of interest" will be as blown away as a moth seeing their first candle flame. Influence can work both ways today though, so avoid letting someone talk you into something that violates your principles, or your better judgment. Romantic is not necessarily sympathetic.
The first time I'm posting my horoscope on my blog. I don't believe in such things, not now. Sigh.
Joann sweets says Janet's at Suntec today, this means I'd have to spray my hair, which is so irritating. I just heard my dad open the door because I asked him to search for black hairspray lol. Scolded him useless then I think that spurred him on to help me.
I feel so alone. I don't need anyone's sympathy and pitying, but sometimes I can't help feeling lonely and so alone. It's the feeling of having nobody to rely on when I'm down except myself, of having no shoulders to lean on, no people to call and complain to in the phone, no people to sit along some beach and just be quiet and enjoy the sea breeze together with. It's the feeling that I'm on my own and whatever happens I'd be responsible for it so I've to be treading lightly every second when I'm communicating with people or whatsoever because I can't afford to lose out and breakdown. It's the feeling of not being able to whisper to anybody except myself because I'm the only one there for myself and it takes two to whisper. It's about how long and strong I last in the game now, it's not about how short and enjoyable the game is. The end result is starting to matter a lot to me.
I didn't care about winning or 'losing', because both sides win when one gives in. I didn't care about giving more than I was receiving, I paid more attention to specific things even though I wasn't able to afford any-more to other things. I tried so hard to give things my all and did my all even though I'm already depleted through and through. I've been squeezing and gritting my teeth to be crawling through life, yet maintaining the image that life's a breeze for me. I am already so mentally and emotionally depleted but I have no idea why I could be holding on through life and be multi-tasking. I want to breakdown but I just can't-afford-to.
Because the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.
-Edit-
Good evening. Just finished work. Anne worked with me from 6pm-closing :) Had fun? Yeap. I made my best heart masterpiece of my whole barista experience. I'm only going to show it to one girl. But she's prolly not going to take it seriously any-o-how. FML yea. I realised working out totally helps me to chill. All thanks to my lovely weights and double decker bed that allows me to do inclined pull-ups at my very own room.
I just wanna scream and lose control
Throw my hands up and let it go
Forget about everything and run away, yeah
I just wanna fall and lose myself
Life is so hard it hurts like hell
Forget about everything and run away, yeah.
Life is so fucking hard it fucking hurts like goddamn fucking hell.
0 comments:
Post a Comment